I woke up yesterday feeling impatient, uneasy... lost. I realised I haven't been keeping account of my trip. Not even with pictures. Usually I can at least rely on a million selfies or ootd posts. But I have been slack. I cannot fathom why. The overall
I came up with is that I cannot be having a great time. If I am not taking pics of the fun I am having then perhaps I am not having fun at all???
But the thing is, I am.
Its difficult because, I'm not exactly doing much. I have had a few auditions. Not as many as I would like, but I think no actor ever does feel
content with audition spec. I have been reading pilots, throwing around ideas to write a pilot. Blogging once a week. Eating, drinking, meeting up with people. My Mum asked me, if your not really doing much, are you experiencing it at all? It was a question that stung. I mean... I am experiencing it. I have hiked, a lot. I have seen beautiful sunsets on beautiful beaches. I have drank red wine and talked long into the night with new friends and put the world to rights with old ones. I have spent too much in whole foods and I have worked out in the park surrounded by palm trees. I have got used to driving on the right side, drank dozens of coffees, eaten so much kale I am pooing green poos, gone to the puppy shop and sat with puppies for a long while. I have peed in the sea for christ sakes. I have driven along the PCH singing to Taylor Swift and sat in endless coffee shops pretending to work, sending one e mail every 2 hours. I have been shopping on Melrose when I shouldn't have been, I have met people in the industry with countless advise and met new people with countless stories and I have been creating memories. Sort of. I say sort of, because this isn't a holiday. This is life. And generally, day to day life can seem mundane. It's simple. It means waking up at 8am, faffing on whats app, e mails, instagram. Heading out to exercise, eating brekki, having a shower, getting ready, taking a selfie, (lots of selfies) posting one on insta and deleting the rest. You head out and you help your friend with a self tape and then you head for lunch and a drink and then meet another friend for a catch up. Sometimes you have an audition and other times you go to the coffee shop and write. You have a million and one things to do, but can't quite fathom what they are unless perhaps, your driving. Then you remember every single thing you have ever had to do, wanted to do and should be doing. You arrive home to realise you now can't remember all of that stuff you had to do... and you sit faffing for another couple of hours before deciding what to do for dinner. You are experiencing, living, out here in another country, but essentially, that isn't overly exciting to other people. BUT, it isn't a 9-5 job doing a job I don't want to do. I am not having to do that for a short space of time and for that I am so very grateful. So even if I am not bungee jumping into shark infested water, or having lunch dates with Ryan Gosling, I am still experiencing LA. (and I am not complaining)
The downside to no work, is that money runs out... and it will run out, and I need to get proactive. I can't lie that thoughts of stripping have gone through my head. I kid... sort of. Selling your eggs pays well -_- Life out here costs. Well life anywhere costs. A car, excessive rent, acting class, food (cocktails) It all adds up. The best idea I have had is to give up booze, Save the calories and the pennies.
My body and wallet currently do not know what has hit them. I need to save both. Maybe writing this in print will give the the motivation to stick to it. Maybe I should give up booze for lent. A week late is better than not at all right? Jesus won't mind.
My panic yesterday resided with the fact that I am not doing enough. Writing enough, taking enough pics, blogging enough, instgramming enough, being productive enough... I know for a fact I need to take one step at a time. But what comes first? And with no routine, all of the above seems horrendous. This place has a habit of making you feel like you are possibly not doing enough because everyone else is apparently doing... well, everything your not.
So... I take a big breath and breathe... sort out a plan of action, make a list and plan my life.
But first... lunch!