As my second time here (well technically 3rd) comes to an end I thought I would write a practical blog. One that will inform people of the things I have discovered in LA. The good the bad and the teeny annoying bits (there aren't a lot) Apart from the annoyingly blue sea and my annoying smug face in some pics... Sorry not sorry.

My overall time out here is hugely positive. It truthfully has been the best time of my life. The sun and freedom help. The time to think and reflect because you take time out from the real world, is always going to be useful and deeply appreciated. But I have had other trips where I have done similar thinking. But this city, for me, creates a whole wealth of opportunity and chance and inspiration and hope, that no other place has given me. It's a city people are quick to judge and you assume it's full of people, that other people are quick to dismiss. Because why wouldn't you? The preconception is It's a town of flakyness,  of insincerity, insecurity, bravado,  show, false promises and broken dreams. It's surely fickle and in genuine and full of try hard wannabes with distorted ambition. It's a city full of houses with gates and pools and pianos built into the floor with glass panelled stairs and hoovers made of gold, and then you stop off at the traffic lights and a homeless man with a trolley full of stuff,  will ask you for a dollar, and even though you see this back at home, nowhere have I seen the difference be so distinctive and so obvious. A town full of money, and streets full of homeless.

The city can be strange. My time here has been off kilter a few times. You do lose yourself slightly in a world that is somewhat, unreal. But the only reason we feel that it is 'unreal' is because we are made to believe we should live another way. That life in the sunshine, not brutally working day to day, is a treat. It's something only the special or the lucky do. Only the talented or the rich. And in some regards, I still believe it. If you don't have money it is harder to live a certain lifestyle. Days with spare time and evenings with spare sunsets.  But... its not entirely true. I met many people out there living on the same budget I live on at home. They work, they hustle, they get up early or work until late and not everyone is cruising around in a matte Bentley.

As a side note... LA looks hideous in the grey overcast days. If it rains, it's like a tropical storm and the whole city looks horrendously dull. Also people cannot drive here in the rain. To be honest,  I find that people cannot drive here full stop. Aside from the fact that you can turn right on a red light, and pedestrians can cross the road when the lights turn green for the cars, they also do not say please and thank you whilst driving at all. They do not wait to see if you are letting them into your lane, they will just go (and mo you down in the process).  They will speed up if you're trying to get into a lane, so that you cannot maneuver yourself over.  Driving here can induce heart burn, headaches and outright rage. But there is always Uber... which comes with its own risks all the same.

LA is massive. I feel it's hard to do more than two things in one day. You can try. But it takes time. Everything here seems to take time. From the moment you wake up until the time when your head hits the pillow, you wonder how an earth your day was so full and busy with not actually getting stuff done. It's an odd concept.  People will ask, what you did that day? You feel exhausted. You quickly went to the bank and then popped to the grocery store, before heading on a little hike and then having a coffee meeting later that day. All of that just there would take maybe 3 hours back home. Here, for some weird time warpsy illusion, that would take you 8 hours. You cannot 'pop' anywhere, and nothing is just a 'little'... Everything is epic, everything takes time, and nothing happens quickly. Because in between all of that you have to sort your stuff out for the rest of the day. Make sure it is with you. Because you don't want to have to be heading back 30 minutes in the opposite direction to get your heels for later. You then drive, use the sat nav and maybe get lost, more than likely sit in tons of traffic on the 101 and wish that you had listened to Google maps when it had showed you all red roads. Once you arrive, you have to find a space. It can take you 30 minutes just to find a one and then when you do, you spend 10 minutes reading over the sign more than 100 times. Because the signs here are the devil. They are sent to try you. Confuse you. They try and lure you into a false sense of security and make you think you can leave you car there for a good while and then you come back to a parking fine because you had parked an inch too far away from the curb or your bonnet was a centimetre too small for the road you were on between the times specified.

Once you trust that you can, you head off to hike. And the hikes are spectacular. You don't want to just do a little hike, you want to get to the top. You want to take in the epic views and contemplate life and your dreams and what your going to do next, and whether your car may have been towed because you think you may not have tucked your wing mirror in between 8.12am and 8.17am. You take your time, you catch your breath, you take a selfie, you take another... and then you have to get back down. All of this and you haven't even got to your coffee meeting yet. So yes, things do take a while here. There is a lot of space in-between places and horrendous drivers whilst getting to them places. But still, the pros out way the cons.

LA is full of beautiful things. Cute coffee shops, amazing restaurants, great classes, blue seas, pretty houses, lots of sun and sand and kale...

Firstly I feel obliged as and actor to give some info that I know other actors have been asking regarding my time here. What classes are good and are workshops worthwhile? Do you have have a chance to meet Quentin Tarrantino and is it appropriate to give him a hug or ask for a job in his next Sci Fi meets Greek tragedy film (this is not inside info, please don't sue me)

So in the next blog post (I thought it best to divide into two because I do talk a lot) I shall give my top tips on having a scrummy ol time here, whether your an actor or not...

So I've been in LA for over two weeks now and I have felt days where I have been completely overwhelmed.

I can't tell whether this is positive or negative. I guess they are both. 

People are doers here. They do. They do not procrastinate, they do not talk about doing it, they do not dream about it... they do, they just get on with it. Today that intimidates me. Yesterday it inspired me. I guess that's because I'm human.

The biggest comparison to home is the fact that people praise hard work here. People like to have lists of things to do and try and people here give a massive high five to that. It's not embarrassing or too try hard or too needy to want something so bad that you give your all to it. It's not shameful to try and fail and try again to fail ten more times, to try again. Californians seem to love that. People here do not seem intimidated by your dreams or threatened by your desire for more. For more money, for more ambition, for more drive, for more shit to do...whatever more it is you want, people will encourage it and praise it and push you to do it.

Back home I've found that people, on a general basis, do not have this same mentality. Working hard does not seem as encouraged or championed as say the accidental success story. At home we love an underdog. The guy that won the lottery the first time he played it, or the middle aged woman that wrote a blog and it just so happened that the CEO of penguin publications read it loved it and commissioned her for a three book deal. We all love the story that JK Rowlings Harry P sat on her book shelf for years and then just one day out of the blue her friend says to her after taking a glimpse that she should get it published. And oh low and behold just like that an assistant read it and forced her boss to take notice. And the rest is history.... No one cares or wants to think about how much actual work and pushing she really went through to get Harry P noticed. It's cringey to think how hard some people try. I know it is because I cringe. I cringe at myself. It always brings me to that same old question...'What am I trying for, sacrificing for, working hard for?' And the scariest question, 'Does it pay off?' Back home I think a lot of people might say no, in LA without a doubt the answer is 'yes, yes of course it does.' 

I guess I used to believe that the magic was toworkhard, but not need an end result so bad that you might die if you don't achieve it. Work hard but pretend you don't want to reep the rewards. Work hard but don't be disappointed when nothing comes of it? Or is the magic in wanting it, seeing it, believing it and then working for it and not stopping till you get it because why the hell would I stop? 

I get same old question time and time again... 'When will you give up?' Which makes you want scream in saids persons face for a multiple of reasons... a) You are never going to give up... When are you going to give up your boring 9-5 job that you hate so much because the boss is a douch and he overworks you? B) its frustrating that people think it is just a hobbie C) because it niggles away at a spot of fear where sometimes, just sometimes you think, maybe you should become a yoga teacher, knit owls or move to Thailand (refer to 2 blogs back) Because along the way you might realise what you thought you wanted isn't what you really want and what you thought you were working for ends up leading you to something else entirely. But at least if you try and you work hard, your chances of achieving great things are far hire than if you just bought a lottery ticket and sat watching reruns of Friends every night. 

The one thing I know for sure, when people add that other really insightful joyful question, whats your dream? Your goal? Eastenders? I know for sure the one thing I am looking for is time. Christian Bale was once asked what he was grateful for now he had all of the monies, and he replied time. Money can buy you time. Time to take a year out, time to learn another language, time to reflect, time to just 'be' and I know for a fact that's the aim, that's the end goal. Yes I like to act, and yes I like to play different people and tell stories and get on stage and get the buzz, and watch the end production and say 'Yehhhh we did that' but I am not shy to admit that I want to reep the benefits of that. The ability to not have to work 8 hours a day to just pay the rent, leaving me no time to do said story telling, production watching, or buzzing on stage. Having to earn money slogging away to just 'survive' does not tickle my fancies, and yes, some people may say 'Who do you think you are? We have to go to work and do a job we don't like that much, to retire at 65 if we are lucky and then go forth and experience LIFE'  once we have retired, but the point I think is, you don't have to. We do not have to stay molly coddled by the 'THIS IS WHAT WE ARE MEANT TO DO' The thought process that that, is the only option we have. And of course some people are more than content with that choice, and life and are fully content with that, but if your not, if there is something you want to pursue so you can have more time, early retirement, better quality of life (because noone 'wants' to shop in Iceland) Then it's OK to work hard to get it. Here in LA, that is welcomed, and at home, I feel that is shunned. 

It's not as easy as saying 'Wahoo I want to be a Spice girl' you can't just give up your job and start your pop career the next day. Rent has to be paid somehow, but this is stuff we can be doing, progressing, working on, in between the hours of hell on earth temping. That 30 minutes I am on the bus scrolling through Instagram I could be writing to casting directors; organising my show reel edit; choosing head shots;  writing a scene. There is ways to utilise dead time, and it isn't with pinning loads of brides dresses onto a board, for a wedding that I am not planning yet. (Obviously I so don't do that) -_-

Here is a clip that literally changed my life that I watched a few months a go. A good friend sent it to me and the very next day I booked my flight to LA. Shonda Rhimes is my WCW... she Is smart and funny and wise and a little intimidating, and I love her. This whole speech rings true to what I have just been saying and what I feel differs in LA to home...

Stop dreaming, start doing!

It is apparent I am no longer a spring chicken anymore, which, as an actor, brings up this slight panic, slight carefree 'over it' kind of mentality. It's hard for anyone chasing such a extremely difficult dream... You go through such emotions. When you start out you have all the enthusiasm in the world. The industry is yours if you want it, anything seems possible. Your enthusiasm books you jobs and you think life could really be sweet. Things slow down a bit as the ten jobs out of eleven that you didn't get, start playing on your mind and you lose some confidence. You try your hardest to have a thick skin and not take anything personally... 'Was that take so horrendous that the casting director laughed as I walked out? Was I too fat to play the leads sister? Did I speak too mumbly, or not common enough? Was I tall enough, brown enough, skinny enough, interesting enough, plain enough... Was I enough? And you kick yourself for letting it get to you because you know for a fact, most of the time it's just because you just 'weren't right.' But you wait for the phone to ring even though you know a watched kettle will never boil, you play mind games with yourself and tell yourself 'I didn't even want the part anyways. You wanted to be free to audition for the dream job not slug away night after night for equity minimum in a part that quite frankly your not right for anyways... When really, of course you want that job. You always, always WANT the job. You want the credit, the experience, the contacts and as much as you tell yourself not to, you want the validation. 

Yeh yeh wouldn't it be great if we were all those actors that went into the room so nonchalant you would think they were just there to order pizza. The ones that don't learn their lines and sit back in the chair, relaxed, with no need to ingratiate themselves or appease anybody. They grunt answers back at the casting director and tells them he's not worked in a year because, well, he just wasn't 'feeling it' and we all think perhaps we could be that guy... So we pretend, in the lead up to the casting, we try not to learn the lines, we say things in the mirror like 'They want me to get the job, they need me, I am what they need for the job' and you try so hard to believe your little beaming face that you very nearly have a bolt of excitement. 'I am, in control of my destiny, life is good, this is just great to be auditioning'... 

Wait, is that excitement or do I need a poo from all the nerves.

You go in, you read, you did good. No wait, don't think you did good because whenever you think you did, you don't hear from them. So, without being negative, you try as positively as possible, to tell the universe that you really do not mind if you book this job or not. You SAY that, if not this one, the next will be something better. But our intention isn't there. Inside you're intention says, I need this job to take me out of this shitty existence of working for someone else and just about paying my rent. 

The phone doesn't ring for days and when it does and it's private number... Private number? Shit it's my agent, I booked the job, no no, tell yourself you have not booked the job, no no that's negative, think nothing, think NO thoughts, meditate, ummmmmmmmm... 

'Hello.' Easy breezy cool cat... 
'Hi I'm just calling from voderfone...' 

Aggggjhhhhhhhh fuck you Vodafone. I don't even have a contract with you... Hang up. You try not to cry from your own desperateness. You turn your phone on silent because you don't want to be listening for the call, but then you just keep looking at it angry when there's no action. You sometimes finally forget the call your waiting for. And on those gleeful moments life is bliss again. Normal. You go to class, see friends, talk for hours about how you love acting and want to immerse yourself in the world and when your not looking or waiting or thinking, the phone rings and you got a recall and life is so fabulously joyful... for thirty minutes and then the process starts all over again.

This insanity may not happen to every actor, it may not be everyones journey, but it was mine. I wholeheartidly admit, this was my mindset for a very long time... 

You have some fab spells of work and then some not so fab spells. Along the way you book a life changing lead only to be recast at the last minute because you, funnily enough (refer back to  second paragraph) weren't brown enough, young enough, funny enough... All of the above. Your devastated. Your life is over, you lose all confidence, any that you had left and you decide your going to become a life coach, or make knitted owls for a living, maybe you'll pack it all up and head to Thailand for a year or two. Maybe you will write a novel or become a yoga teacher. You will take yourself out of this rejection ridden world and just take care of you. You'll meditate, read self help books, focus on something worthwhile, the UN maybe.... Drop the dream of being Jolie or Watson and just settle with being a UN Joe Blogs with no starry eyed credentials. Perhaps you decide your old now, maybe you will get married and have kids and settle and perhaps... Wait, private number...

You have an audition for a lead for a series for a popular show... Life changing, and you no longer want kids, marriage (you will do that once you have this life changing job), Screw yoga, Thailand, owls, Joe blogs job at the UN... You want this job and you decide that that is OK. You drop the desperation because you have been at rock bottom. You've had no work for years. You survived. Life moved on and you did not keel over. You still had focus and purpose and you sort of strangely enough found yourself through all the neediness and despair. You feel free from it all. You still want it but you don't need it anymore and you think for a split second that perhaps you are now that cool nonchalant kid that doesn't mind if they book the job or not, what's meant to be is meant to be... Right? You have beaten the system, your obstacle, yourself. Ulrica moment in full force.

And then you're in the room and the casting directors are laughing and talking and you're in there for at least fifteen minutes, and you feel... This is possibly one of those moments. You're gleeful. The room likes what you did with the scene. The director gives you notes and you take them well. They nod and smile and you own it, your confident, your in it... Your present. You shake there hands and for another minute, perhaps minute and a half, you're on cloud nine... You say your goodbyes. You get up walk towards the door, close the door... You can't exactly remember what you said in there, or if it was authentic and truthful? You begin replaying the last fifteen minutes over and over and...

You walk into the waiting room and...'oh shit, there's Sally Meekings. The one that books everything...

Well great, thanks universe thank you very much.