Posts tagged acting
Any progress?
Since my trip to LA I have been asked how the acting is going. Did I have any progress whilst I was there? What next? Did anything life changing happen? And I completely get it. I understand that friends and family are intrigued.  It's a curious business. It's full of unanswerable questions and untangible results. It takes fearless determination and whole hearted acceptance of NOT being in the right place at the right time more often than not. You are going against the grain, the expected, the thing you are meant to do. Sometimes you feel existentially powerful in making the choice to fight for this career and sometimes you feel discernibly weak and insecure for staying in a business that can so easily hurt your soul. If you let it. 

It's hard when people ask you questions that you can only half answer. Or that you cannot answer at all or you fear the answers will be terribly disappointing to the one asking, or worse still, disappointing to yourself.  You could answer with answers that may offend people, that may have people disagreeing with you or answers people find shamefully too honest or too long winded. Answers that sound like justifications or excuses. You want to make sure you don't sound bitter or deluded or disillusioned or mad. Not to yourself, but to the people wanting to know... have you made it yet? Did you get what you have always wanted? Will you never have to work on reception again? Can you buy a house in the hills or fly first class? Are you in a show and have you met Ryan Gosling? Will you still be chasing something? Will you ever not be? Will you give up? When will you give up? What are you willing to sacrifice? Are you happy?

People may not ask these things directly, but they are questions that are hidden in an indirect curiosity that I myself have when I meet people in the industry.  Gosh, often it is all we talk about. We mull over it, discuss it, debate it, digest it. Ask each other a lot of the same questions we ask ourselves. We talk of the disappointing answers we sometimes have to give and we all camp together, one big group of us against the world, sort of in it together in a huddle of madness. Are we happy?

Any progress? Did I have progress in LA? In my career? It's hard to explain to someone that just getting through a day as an actor, can be tough. Not in a 'I'm saving the world' sort of tough. We are not that narcissistic (I swear)... But progress is made just by getting through a day where we may not have acted, we may not have earned money to pay the bills doing the profession we proclaim to be doing. Our day can sometimes just be submitting yourself to castings or finding a class you like or avoiding watching reality TV. The progress I make is sometimes just that of not quitting. Sticking with it. Sometimes progress is just learning to wait and trust and 'be'. Progress is knowing the process and learning to live in it and grow in it and learn from it. Acting is a profession in which you do not have an end goal. There may not be that one big job that changes your life forever. I could go fifty years just working on my craft. Being a jobbing actor. And that would be, should be good enough. To pay the bills with acting money, now wouldn't that be a joy. 

Or would it? 

I want to tell my family and the people that ask and care and want this acting lark for me (possibly more than I do) that tangible, feesable, seeable progress was made. I want to reassure them that the trip was worth while. That I have proof that this was life changing and a step forward. For them. I want to let them know it's OK. Tell them I booked a job, starred alongside Morgan Freeman and that girl from that show. (You know the one? The popular one with those cute freckles) I want so much to tell my mum that it's paying off. So I can see the excitement in her eyes for me, that all this time, and sacrifice and effort has been worth it. I don't want my mum to think I have just been having a jolly. Just eating and hiking for two months. I want her to know that the belief she has had in me for the last thirty years, is not wasted. It is in fact about to pay off. I can take her on that trip to Bali and I can pay her back all the money I owe her. I want to hug her so tight for all the times she ever felt sad when I heard a no. To see the worry disappear from her face because she knows she doesn't have to worry about me calling her up balling because I don't know what I am doing with my life. 

I want to book that job, so I don't have to be a thirty year old working in a hair dresser reception when I don't want to be. So I don't have to ask my boyfriend to cover the rent this month. So I can buy that Zara top. So I can take three months out and write a book, So I can say that all my dreams came true. So I can say, 'See, staying with it, working hard for it, it pays off.' So I can prove to myself that all those times I nearly turned away from it, I can say 'Ahh, see, imagine if you had' 

But the answer (I wish I had booked a job so I could play a great character and do some great acting, for a great director and an amazing production.) It comes far down on my list. Because I spent the last two years getting to act and play and tell stories. I don't have to wait for the phone to ring, or WME to take me on, or Seth Rogan to write me a part, or Shonda Rhymes to put me in her TV show. I don't have to be better, or prettier or skinnier or taller or funnier or more charismatic. More talented, more open, more connected, more wealthy, more free, more 'up someones bum'... I don't have to be more anything. I can be me, right now, with no signed contract in my hand to prove that I have made progress. Not for the people asking. Not for myself. 

I currently feel OK at accepting that I am angry at the industry, the system. I have no answers. Except knowing finally, that what makes me happy, isn't necessarily what I have been chasing this whole time. TBC









LA Lovin Part 2...
OK, first things first. Getting to LA. Flights over can be a right wallet drainer. I have spent anywhere between £400 and £700 getting across the pond. I find booking to fly on a Wednesday or a Sunday get you the cheapest tickets, and word on the street is if you buy your ticket on a Tuesday, this helps with prices. This could be a rumour but worth a try.

I have flown with Virgin, BA, Air New Zealand, Delta and United over to America and by far the nicest flight for me was with Air New Zealand. I found the service to be freaking awesome, the planes to be new and the flight entertainment to keep me entertained for the whole eleven hours. I have had friends fly budget with Norwegian Air and you can, if you decide not to take much luggage, or take your own food, get a good deal with just the simple flight and no add ons. But depending on when you fly, airlines like Virgin could add up to the same and Virgin is my second best flight. 

Once you have landed, I recommend Air bnb. It's safe and easy and generally I have had all good experiences with bookings on air bnb. The only thing, if you are staying for a long period of time, it can be pricey. When your in LA you get talking to people that have rooms. A good priced room can cost $600 to $800 dollars a month if you find a room through a friend or on Craigs list (I wouldn't recommend Craigs list without being able to meet the person renting in person before hand). On Air bnb for a decent room you could pay anywhere between $1000 and $1600 a month. Here is a gorgeous place I highly recommend in Silverlake.

EAST LA (SILVERLAKE/LOS FELIZ/ECHO PARK/ATWATER VILLAGE

Everyone likes to say it's where all the hipsters reside. I saw a few beards, but not one tash in sight. I don't think the people of the US have been to Shoreditch so Silverlake may seem 'trendy' Yes I said trendy. These areas are right next to each other and are full of cute houses in the hills, by a lake, near the freeway and have an abundance of bars, cafes, boutiques, restaurants within walking distance.








HIKING

One of my fav free things to do in LA. You cannot go a week without at least one hike. There are a few hikes that I recommend. Some more popular than the other, but all with spectacular views. Runyon Canyon is the most popular in terms of busyness. Its the one you will see in pics when you think of LA. Pops up in magazines when people have celeb spotted. Although not once have I spotted a celeb up there. That's a lie, I saw Kathy Griffin up there once. She smiled. Runyon starts at the bottom on North fuller avenue. Parking can be a nightmare, but somewhere within a ten minute walk away you will find a spot, eventually. Or there is another entrance if you start higher up the hike just off of Muhollond Drive. There is a car park here, so depending on what time of day, you can get a good spot. You can park up here on the roads (at your own risk) as if you do not spot where the signs are you could come back to an empty spot where your car has been towed.
There is Fryman Canyon. This is if you are staying north of the valley. Its an easier hike but pretty gorgeous all of the same. One of my favs is Griffith Park, the entrance opposite The Greek Theatre. All the trails up to the observatory are pretty awesome. Myself and a friend hiked for hours and ours without realising the time.
Malibu Canyon or Topanga are amazing hikes. A little further out from West Hollywood, but well worth the hours drive. Pretty and quiet as not too many people head to these in peak times.
For a less strenuous walk there is Hollywood reservoir and the Echo Park hills just behind the lake.




 BEACHES

Whats not to like about a city that allows you to be at the beach within thirty minutes. I mean, I'm sold on the sun and beaches alone. The ones closest to Hollywood/west hollywood are Venice beach and Santa Monica beach. Venice is like Camden on sea. Full of weird and wonderful things. The man selling shit advice for a dollar, or the woman painting pictures of sun flowers with her feet. The guy selling you CD's of his latest studio demo for ten bucks or the shop front selling you weed (legally) don't you know. Well only if you're having night terrors, will they write you a prescription for a draw.
Santa Monica is just up the road. Both here and Venice are busy and full of tourists (like myself) Up further north you have Malibu beach and also Point Dume. Here is where I watched the most amazing sunset I have ever seen, high on top of a cliff point. As if I ever needed an excuse to self reflect, a sunset on a cliff top was definitely one of them.
Just south is Hermosa beach. Similar to the Santa Monica. But less busy. The little town it is in is cute. More rustic. It looks like a film set that a 90's coming of age film might be shot in.
Further south is Laguna. And right next door is my favourite beach of them all. Table rock. It is more of a cove. I did nearly die there when a mahoosive wave whipped off my bikini top and topsy turvied me upside down like a washing machine, bringing me up for air for two seconds and back under. When I finally came up, with my friends boyfriend dragging me out of the sea, boobs out, hair like a drowned rat over my face, I decided I was better off getting a tan on the shore. 






CLASSES

Whilst being in LA felt like a holiday, I was really there to act. Sort of. I thought I'd do some classes. Feel like I was being productive. Learn a few things. I was able to audit (sit in and watch classes) and take some of the classes

Howard Fine was a class I had imagined an acting class in LA would be like. He himself was stern, but friendly, in my memory, he has a tash (I don't think he really does) He talks like the guy from actors studio, which immediately made me feel excited. I got to see at least six couples go up and perform, and every single one of these students could have been in the next season of American Horror Story.

I was lucky enough to go to Max Decker as well as Anthony Meindl. Max Decker is wonderful value for money, but he only goes on recommendations and takes you on once he has interviewed you. The classes are improv and often feel like a stint on SNL. That isn't a negative. There is some amazing talent in the class. Funny and otherwise. It challanged me beyond belief, and I felt out of my depth every single week. Which can only be a good thing, to poo yourself before each class... its a learning curve.
Anthony Meindl was everything I needed from class. A scripted/cold reading class where you get therapy and more. The ethos of acting/being is similar to the things I believe in and it was more about learning to be comfortable in your own skin than 'acting' as such. Worth every single penny. He has classes in London too :)

Other recommendation are Beverly Hills Playhouse and Ivana Chubbuck.

WORKSHOPS

People slate casting director workshops, but I highly recommend them. Big casting directors take these and it's worth getting seen in these workshops, especially if you don't have a manager or an agent. All the companies state that they are for educational purposes. And they are. You learn some sides, you read to a casting director, you film your scene, and in some cases they send you the tape for you to view and analyse and critique.
The actors Green room... (Pricier than the latter)... and The actors key were two that I used and recommend.


    








Other than the aforementioned there are gaziollions of things to do in LA, and I am not even mentioning half of them. If you are lucky enough to get time, try and go to The Getty museum and The Getty Villas. Venice canals are a must, there resides my future house and neighbours... Visit Downtown. The arts district, the market there, its all wonderful and full of amazing cafe's and restaurants including the rooftop bar at The Perch. Their steak and truffle fries make my fanny tingle. Echo park paddle boats are a fun morning out and the french maple bites in the lake cafe are worth every belly cramp if bread doesn't agree with you. The Observatory at the top of Griffith park is a gorgeous place to visit, especially at sunset and the planetarium  is open until 10pm. If you have a car (which you must) drive to Joshua tree in the dessert, or up the PCH to San Fran. Head to Malibu or Santa Barbara for the afternoon. Whatever you do spend fours hours driving to Sequoia national park. I have never in my life seen nature or trees quite like it. Get some positive vibes and a dose of wankyness (I love both) at Cafe Gratitude, get creeped out at the museum of Jurassic Technology (it has nothing to do with dinosaurs. Buy some gifts in the little boutiques like Yolk, See some comedy at UCB, have coffee in Lamil in Silverlake and a macaroon ice cream in Milk right opposite. Eat kale until you turn green, drink fresh beet juices until your poo turns purple. Spend hours and hours in Wholefoods or Trader Joes, Go watch a drive in movie, take a million pictures of palm trees. Reflect, tan, enjoy and be grateful of every second, because despite what you have heard. It's a special city with a lot of freaking amazing adventures... and food, to be had.






































                                 
                         


















A list of places to eat, drink and be merry

EAST HOLLYWOOD

Lil Doms... serve the best Pancakes East of Hollywood. 

Local... Cute little restaurant with an abundance of vegan options and fresh juices. The owner is the nicest man.

Forage... An amazing Vegan place with the most delicious cashew cheese quesidillas.

Hyperion Public... Scrummy whiskey sours and a tasty kale salad. (Who said Kale?)

Black Cat... a dark dive bar, a little bit like something you would find in London. Open until 2am.

Thirsty Crow... B.O.G.O.F Old fashioneds on a Monday night.

Alcove... Cute outdoor seatin (a little manic to get seated of an evening, and its order at the bar) but they do the most amazing cakes East of Hollywood. The slices are the size of a third of a normal cake and are homemade and make me dribble as we speak.

Home... Perfect outdoor seating and scrummy brunch menu, actually, the menu is massive and there is so much to chose from.

La Casbah... Cute place for coffee and cake and internet.

Cafe Intelligentsia... Best coffee in Silverlake, nearly. Open until 11pm, so late night internet use and coffee (if you can drink coffee late) here is a must.

Cafe Stella... Best pisco sours and yummy food. French restaurant with outdoor seating and a cute bar area for a night of just cocktails.

Pho... Best one in LA. Vietnamese, tasty, good priced food.

Bon Vivant ... A little like Alcove. The biggest and tasiest cakes. The menu is large and the atmosphere is so so nice. Candles and great service.

Pine and Crane... The yummiest passionfruit shandys sell this place for me. But also the food is to die for. And it's cheap. Always a que it's that good, but you are seated in no time and you order at the bar. The pancake is a MUST.

WEST HOLLYWOOD

Evleigh... A bit sceeny, but a really nce patio setting, dim lights and candles and a really nice side dish menu. 

Skybar... In the Mondrian. Sundays are full of too cool for school young people with v necks and boat shoes (Judgey I know) but also an observation. But the bar is ideal in the week for a late afternoon prosecco. Views are scrummy. The also serve the best fries.

The Hudson... Cute diner set in a stand alone camper van? Has a photo booth, what more do I say. But their truffle fries are so amazing that you have to go here at least once. 

Cabo Cantina... Amazing deals on margharittas so strong that one sends you over the edge. And a plate full of nachos big enough for four people. Cheap and fun.

Laurel Hardware. Another sceeny place, but has a gorgeous outdoor patio area and really nice wine.

Joans on third... My fav place for brunch by far. You may spot bloggers and the like, but the cheese grill toastie is something dreams are made of. Also yummy cakes and iced coffees.

Soho house... The sceeniest of the sceensters. You can only go in with a member, and you may spot the Kardashians (pros and cons) depends what floats your boat as to which side you sit on, but I like this place. It's relaxed and if you want late night snacks and a night cap this place is perfect. Not too pricey... and there is a photo booth. Score!

BLD... The best blueberry pancakes west of Hollywood. The maple syrup comes in a little tin shaped as a house. Perfect.

Terrine... pricey, but the yummiest food. Tapas style, meaty dishes. Do not attempt if you are veggie.

Cheesecake Factory... The most flavours of cheesecake I have ever seen on a menu, hence the name, and the most calories I have ever seen in a slice, hence the ten pound weight gain. It's worth it!

POOLS

What is better than sunning yourself by a pool? Sunning yourself by a pool

Mondrian-West Hollywood, Swanky, young crowd. You can just walk in and grab a drink. Sunbeds are reserved for the guests, but if you go on a week day the pool isn't crowded and you can grab a bed easy.

The Standard-Downtown, modern, boutique rooftop and newly refurbished.

Sunset Marquis-West Hollywood old school glamour. Go grab some lunch and then have a chill by the pool

The Roosevelt-There's a minimum spend of $45 dollars, but for a full day of some food and a drink it's worth it.

Andaz-Nice rooftop opposite The Mondrian. You can get away with just heading up to the pool bar for a drink.

The Ace-Downtown, teeny pool, where all the cool kids hang... but don't actually get in the pool.

BURGERS

In and Out... the most famous burger place... an alternative Maccy D's. Not worth it. The fries are pants.

Astro... Worth a visit.

Unami... So so yummy. The Manly is my fave.

Fat burger... My absolute first choice of all the burger joints in LA.

Post show blues...
So you audition. Sometimes a lot, sometimes not. You go to class, workshops, you have head shots done. They don't look like you, you have more done, you cry at the price. You get a friend to do them and pray that there is just one in there that your agent likes, you pray that there is one in there that you like. You go to your day job, you leave and go to rehearsals for that play you said you'd do for free and then you rush from there to a night shoot of a short film that your mates, neighbours, dog sitters boyfriend, wrote. You spend five hours on a night shoot, outside, in the middle of winter. You take a pic for intsa and hash tag it #livingthedream or #dreamsdocometrue and you secretly want to cry because your so hungry and all they have on set are biscuits. You really don't want biscuits because you have been eating clean and you are now wise enough to know if you have one biscuit you will have ten. You finally get in, after a long night bus journey home and you get three hours sleep in before you have your day job again. Short shift today. Afterwards you head to that cute little coffee shop to go and write. You have five hours. You sit for three trying to think where to start, you decide to make a list of all the things you need to do. Pay for class, chose head shot, buy shower gel, tax return... Oh shit... Find all your old receipts. You get a call, private number... you pray it's your agent, but pretend that you so don't think it's your agent. You answer easy breezy... Its your agent. 'Yes' you think. 'maybe it's an audition.
And it is. And with a lovely warm sense of purpose and joy you put down phone and await the e mail with the details.

It's a play. Sort of, a musical. You read the part and you love it. You actually feel you can do this. You understand the part. You love how it reads. It feels natural and it makes you smile. Sometimes you just get those auditions that just feel right. Your not sure why, but it feels like it makes sense. Some you get and they are so far out of reach of what you think you can do with the character or they don't click with you and you feel you may have to blag the audition. But when that  one comes in that just feels good, you feel fooking great. 

You go in. You may have had an espresso because you fell asleep on the tube on the way. You may go into the audition a little off kilter. Perhaps a bit more unsteady, than you may have been without said espresso. You read, you faff, you plough on, you leave. And suddenly, that audition you thought you could smash, the one you thought you could be just right for, you may have effed it up. You call your agent, you explain. You loose sleep because, despite it only being a three night run, something, deep inside your gut, tells you this is going to be a good project. And secretly (because its way cooler to pretend you don't) you want it. You want the job, your mad you might not get the job and you resign yourself to a moment (and only a moment) of self pity. 

The phone rings. Its private number. You pick up knowing it's going to be PPI calling about that insurance fraud payment that you never took out because you have never had a loan and you... 

'You got the job' Errrrrm... what? 'You got the job' And your belly actually flips because your gut, your heart, tells you, this is going to be an awesome thing to be apart of. 

Day one of rehearsals comes after your thirtieth birthday celebrations and life feels freaking awesome. You rehearse, you chat, you bond, you banter and you make friends with people you think you could be friends with for life. You drink, you bond, you laugh, you try to dance to the choreography, you can't, you tear up and you rehearse and learn lines and drink and bond some more. You watch in ore at the talent your working with, you don't feel threatened because you admire everyone's ability to bring it all together and perform an assemble piece so strong you might not get over the fact that its over. 

And then... suddenly... it's over. You do the three nights, that went so very quickly you try to recount exactly how they are over already, and you sit on a bus the day after the last show and you cry. Your not sure exactly why, but you sob. Like you have just been dumped by the boy in the year above who has a six pack and all the girls fancy. Like he's just taunted you and said he will go out with you and then laughed in your face and said it was a joke. You feel lost, alone and so gutted that its over that you wonder how on earth your going to get through the next week before you head to LA. 

Post show blues are not the one. And despite knowing that its a come down, you still want to eat nothing but ice cream and not wear anything but jogging bottoms. Even though you know it will pass, you still feel so gutted that it's over, you might hibernate for weeks on end. Acting lark is funny. You wait for a long time, for jobs, it seems. You make sacrifices and work hard so you can feel a pay off down the line. Then, sometimes, when you're least expecting, you end up in something so special that it gets you excited about acting again and you know is meant to be a part of your journey, that you can't help but eat cake, shed tears and already look forward to getting to do the show again... and you remember exactly why you chose to this acting lark in the first place...