A client said to me today... "I don't look like I go to the gym"
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I asked her to define what that meant.
"Abs, lean muscle, ya know..." Oh yeh I totally do know.
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I look roughly the same as when I first started training. Albeit slight changes that I'm proud I worked for. But I don't have abs, I'm not under 20% BF, I dont necessarily look like I lift heavy and at the moment, I can't. (in context to what?) Magazines? Instagram feed?
(Please note before I go further I am not saying I am not lean or (conventionally not "in shape") but I don't look like a #fitspo with a 6 pack. I don't look how I assumed I should look for a) working in fitness b) having a fitness insta c) training consistently for 4 to 5 yrs.
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Am I doing it wrong? Am I training my clients all wrong? Are you training wrong? Should you be doing 10000 burpees or more cardio or higher reps or power lifting or keto or...
.
Stop!
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You are not doing anything wrong. The system is fucked. The feed is full of out of context #gymnasiumdolphin ambassadors who quite frankly, arent living a lifestyle you are living.
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When I did look like a #fitspo... I wasn't drinking. I was training 6 to 7 days a week. I was doing a shit ton of cardio. I wasn't eating out much. I was eating protein mousse for dessert. I was training 2 times a day sometimes 3. I was drinking 4lts of water. Meal prepping. Eating packs of prawns for snacks. Carrying tuna around with me. God forbid I evem sat in a pub once and mixed #bcaas with my soda water. (No bcaas are not helpful, you live & learn)
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This is not the lifestyle I waned to live all the time. The way I look now is a reflection of the lifestyle I want to live.
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The reality is this. The lifestyle you want to live may not look on your body, how you want it to look.
I know. The devil's work. 🤷🏽♀️
But what if the lifestyle you want to live makes you feel amazing.
Most clients come to me fearing food. Wanting balance. Craving dessert. Guilty for days that consist of French fries. Not knowing how to lift or use training to feel better/stronger. They are often doing classes galore & burning themselves out or doing nothing at all & feeling sluggish.
Most clients dont need much tweaking in tjere lifestyle to make it better. It's usually simple things. But usually those things don't feel good enough.
I see no progress? But you've trained consistently for a year compared to giving up every 8 weeks?
But I don't have abs? But your legs have gained so much definition and shape.
But I don't have a butt that looks like Sommer Ray? But you don't eat take away every day anymore and wake up feeling better 8 times out of 10 than the 0 times you used to?
You dont look like you train? Yes. Yes you do. You're form is insanely great, you live better, stand better, hold yourself better. You fuel yourself and you have the energy to come in 2 to 3 times a week. You're trousers fit your more comfortably and you can kick arse on the leg press. You do look and seem like you train. Just what you think that looks like is different to the reality.
A lot of the girls that look like they train (not all) but a lot. Live out of tuppawares, fear esting out, don't drink, do this fitspo life for a living, are 22, don't work full time, fear dessert, restrict binge, are cutting constantly, are not always telling the truth about what they do or eat or how much they think about training or nutrition.
Of you want this to be your life. Your priority. Your soul goal. Go for it. It's yours for the taking. But if you want a bit of it all. A life, a few drinks, some sleep, some rest days, some burgers... then you may not have some and or some 13% BF.
But you might have a perky butt and a BF% that keeps your menstrual cycle ticking. Now that's a fair compramise no?
You look like you have a balanced life. Own it. Appreciate it. And just keep at it. You don't need to look like anything in particular to justify those choices.
You look beautiful cos you are.
Read More"omg I feel so fat babe we can't have sex tonight"
or "fuck I feel so fat today I can't even look in the mirror"
Sometimes we don't even share it. We just sit there with this feeling that someone somewhere told us was "fat"
That someone somewhere was a liar.
Fat isn't a feeling🤔
"Yeh but you get what I mean" people say.
Yes. Of course I get it. As I sit here now on the train my brain (ego) is automatically saying "I feel fat, ugh I feel fat" Its a niggle. So slight that if I wasn't careful it would go undetected as just unease or disconcertment.
My true self however is going "fat is not a feeling. Fat is not a feeling" Ahhh true self. So wise.
The ego is so convincing though.
I do feel heavier. My belly is sitting over my jeans a bit. I feel like I have food inside of me. These are facts.
But why is that feeling perceived by us as so bloody bad? Why is it a negative to feel full? To have food in us? To notice our stomaches slightly swell from the volume of food? Why does this cause something that we wouldn't describe as nice?
We have a thought about the physical aspect of this food inside us (which as weve established is a fact) I have esten, I am bloated. and that thought makes us feel a particular way. It does. We do feel something post food, post indulgence. But it is not "fat"
I sit here racking my brains for the thought I am really feeling. What am I really saying here.
I feel full? Ok well that's not negative. That's a good thing.
Would I feel this feeling if I ate the same amount but in pure vegetables all day? Oh god, is it guilt for eating a fucking onion bhaji?
It just took me 10 mins to actually write that. I keep thinking it must be something else. Cos I'm body positive. Or body neutral. Or body accepting... I dont feel guilt for food. Not for any food. I dont believe this one.
So I keep trying cos it doesnt resonate.
I feel heavy. Again. A bit like feeling full. WHY is that a bad thing? What is it about feeling heavy that is wrong?
My ego chimes in. Heavy people are not as pretty. Pretty people are elegant and heavy people are not. If you're heavy you dont do gymnastics or ballet or sing in a girl band and girls that do are attractive and graceful. If you are heavy you are not cool. If you are heavy you are not fancied. If you are heavy you are not liked if you are heavy you are not worthy.
and there it is... you have gone back to that 11 year old child who had been heavy and then had lost weight and was told "Oh gosh look at you, you are so pretty (now)"
I dont feel "fat" what I feel is that I failed, that I went backwards and dont live up to the petite ideals I believed in when I was a kid because that's what I was told. By my grandma, then by boys, then by magazines and then by instagram.
What I know now though that I didn't know aged 11. Is that thoughts are NOT facts!
And just because I have these thoughts, it doesn't make them real. And I do not have to believe them. I can in fact change these thoughts. And "choose" to believe them.
Bit deep for a bloated belly Dan? Bit extreme to think so intensely about a silly flippant thought?
Well those silly flippant thoughts have been niggling away at us for years. Reinforced by a society and an industry that wants to sell us "cures" for feeling fat. Wants to sell us Keto juice detox with sugar free cinnimon flavouring. And those reinforced belief systems seep into our heads, create our thoughts and make us feel things that are not conducive for a happy soul. Because happy content souls dont buy diet books or pills or magazines telling us about the 900calorie magic meal plan.
No-one is asking you to never have negative thoughts. About you or others. They come. The judgement does come. But it's whether we believe it or not. It's whether we attach to those thoughts or not. Cos when we do, we set ourselves up for living a pretty shite existence.
What if feeling heavy meant you felt strong. Powerful. Ready to take on the world?
What if feeling full meant you had a good day?
What if feeling the belly poke over your jeans meant you sat in the company of your mum whilst she had chemo eating snacks together cos she has to keep her weight up?
What if instead of feeling fat you felt comforted. Happy. Decent? Grown up? Well? Or just good old plain human?
You dont feel fat. You feel human.
You are not fat. You are human!
IG: freefanni
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